Living Your Values This Holiday Season

Around this time of year there is a good chance that stress levels are rising, fueled by the inner critic who lives in your head, twisting thoughts and feelings about relationships, obligations and judgments into a negative narrative spiral. If the holiday season is a tough time for you, you are not alone. And if you feel like you could benefit from a new way of looking at things, try reframing stress and your inner critic as signals that something is out of alignment. Ask yourself: What is your inner critic trying to tell you? What is it alerting you to? And then pause. Take time to consider whether your inner critic is really trying to help by signalling something that is out of alignment for you. And then, when you are feeling ready, act.

Your core values are a key to being more intentional during high stress times like the holidays. Learning to hone in on what truly deserves your attention and input, and what you can release tension on, will get you closer to living those values and enjoying the season. Before proceeding, take a few deep breaths. And now, let’s get clear on what you’re aiming for:

The Vision: What does your ideal holiday season look like?

Visualize your ideal holiday season. What do you see? Really take a moment and paint a picture of a scene. What are you adding in? What things do you value most this time of year? Where do they fit into your picture? What have you left out? When you have your picture, step back and notice: What feelings come up for you when you look at the picture you’ve painted in your mind? How does it feel to have a clear vision for your ideal holiday season? How might you create more of this in reality? Getting clear can help provide a reference point for how you will respond to the many, many choices the holidays put in front of you, and create clear opportunities for you to stand up for what you truly need.

Opportunity #1: Managing Obligations

What does obligation feel like for you? Obligations are more of a social transaction than a fulfilling experience. So, if you find yourself saying “yes” when you feel like you should have said “no”, you might be feeling an obligation. 

When you think of obligations, what feeling do you get in your gut? What thoughts come to mind? Is there any positive feeling beyond the sense of relief you’ll feel when it’s over? Really dig into the physical and emotional consequences of the potential transaction and the true costs of fulfilling it. You might be surprised to discover that honouring your vision, and saying no to protect it, is actually the better choice for your mental wellness long term.

Opportunity #2: Managing Expectations 

Whose expectations are you trying to meet? It’s common to be inundated with other people’s expectations this time of year, whether it’s who you’re expected to visit, the parties you’re expected to attend, the gifts you’re expected to give and even how those gifts are wrapped. It can be easy to get caught up in the avalanche of expectations and carried along in the pressure of meeting all of them. Do you actually care if you have an elaborate handmade centerpiece at your team party, or is that someone else’s expectation you’re taking on? 

Stop and think about these expectations one by one, comparing them to your ideal holiday vision, and consider which ones actually matter to you. When you choose yes, be intentional about fulfilling your own expectations, rather than those of others. When you choose no, what are the actual consequences of not doing it, if any at all? And then imagine what else the time and energy you’ve saved could be better applied to (even if it’s just pure downtime). The holidays are way too short to spend them living other people’s expectations.

Opportunity #3: Enforcing Healthy Boundaries

What boundaries need to be set, and maintained?  If this is the first time you’re setting boundaries, whether in your professional or personal life, chances are good they might not be taken seriously and you’ll get some pushback. What are the specific boundaries you need to put in place to protect your ideal holiday? Who do you need to communicate them to?

How will you stick to your boundaries and make it clear they exist and must be respected? And how will you tame your inner critic if it pops up trying to scare you with “what ifs” for standing up for yourself and your values?

We need to nourish ourselves this holiday season and beyond to be effective leaders, executives and individual contributors, personally and professionally. If you would benefit from the support of a trained thought partner to help you identify and live into your values, learn more about my executive and leadership coaching and how you can benefit in all facets of your life.